Freewrite

5 Dec

Should be editing book, but only in the mood to be free.  This is a habit I assuredly need untie.  Like a knot around my discipline’s esophagus.  Need more coffee.  And the coffee here isn’t that bad, should you know.  Maybe you didn’t need to know that, but we all have habits and traits, tendencies we’d rather shed.

Still working on the car.  I’m more than awake and ready for the day to show m e something.  What will it show me.  What will I do with what it shows me?  Listening to jazz, pretending that no one’s around me and the tire shop itself just doesn’t have an impact or effect, even a minuscule nudge on me, right now.  People walk in— oh, he works here.  ‘Nother guy walks in, he doesn’t.  What does he see in this place.  Surely something different than me.

Not a busy day on campus, so maybe I can go shoot some vineyards, or do something connected to my shop at some point… dinner with parents after class, have to get beats before that… plan, use what time I have.  Each tick and clock tock is of a gem’s intend.

Well… ask yourself, “What do I want?…What do I want to do?” Do—

Interrupted by car being ready quicker than I thought, than they said.  Guy calling wife’s name and for some reason it got my attention even with the phones stuffed into my ears, and Coltrane making himself more than known.  Went back to hotel thinking breakfast would still be in play but no….  Went to room and it was being cleaned, thought “What the…. Are you kidding me?  Shit…” But, breathed.  Looked online for best local breakfast spots… of course, Redwood Café.  So here now I type, write, waiting for two scrambled eggs and sausages.  The story is working with me, for me, for my forward.  Know this, reader…. Time can work under your thumb, much as it appears to hate you, there can be a concertedness.  I think of how I said in class that time hates you, and will kill you.  I see that now as the wrong scope—  Time is controllable.  Yes it offers challenges, and some obstacles are plainly painful.  But it is there for you to mold, re-remold, be yours.  What this morning is educating, gifting me.

10:15…. I’ll leave when done with breakfast, done with a little more of my own work, my own self-notes, many of which I’ll share.  One such note, “Take yourself out to breakfast.  And enjoy every second and scoop.” I haven’t been here in well over a year.  Think the last time was a poetry reading I attended with students.

Breakfast here… need this self time.  No interruptions.  I’m seeing that if you see harder times through, if you’re composed and patient, harmonized with all times, you’re rewarded sittings like this.  Breakfast done.  Now back to work.  Not that full so no sluggishness about a writer.  Focus on the apexing aim of my wine shop.. doing a little research here, there.  Found some interesting information… but I need to be in the drawing board phase right now, I feel, not so much the formal business planning and architecture tone.

2 Responses to “Freewrite”

  1. Brodi December 5, 2017 at 10:50 pm #

    Today is a beautiful day. It is 68 degrees and their is nothing but blue skies above my head. I have nothing but time on my hands. So I sit and observe from my table in the courtyard. My attention keeps going to the table next to me as a young woman spits out the word f*** in almost every sentence. It is as if she wants everyone to hear her.

    My mind starts wondering to a time when I cursed like a sailor. I was never in the habit of cursing in public until I worked on an asphalt paving crew one hot summer. The paving crew spoke a different language. One based around curse words that would never be used in front of one’s mother. As I learned to speak the language my tongue favored the f*** word as well as this girls did.

    As an observer I noticed how it offended people around me before I left my teen years behind. This young woman is easily in her twenties. I guess she just doesn’t really give a f*** yet and maybe she never will.

  2. keawelong December 7, 2017 at 4:46 am #

    10 Words: Pain, betrayal, insecure, strength, life, push, prove, press, hurting, love.

    (Betrayal->Hate->Pain->Love->repeat)
    “The Pattern”
    Pain causes a sensation of love.
    Betrayal causes a sensation of pain.
    I’ve been betrayed by someone I love.
    I’ve been hurt by betrayal.
    This hurt is my pain, and my pain creates more love.
    But why?
    This pattern is deadly.
    This pattern makes no sense.
    My body hurts, and its no longer mental.
    My eye’s are dry of tears, my body is drained of energy.
    My mind feels crazy, crazy for you.
    But for us to be better I shall do what I shall do.

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