12/12/17.

12 Dec

Rough start to morning, with kids, neither wanting to leave hotel, go to school, only wanting to lay in bed and watch cartoons with me, go downstairs and have breakfast and who knows what else after that.  But it couldn’t be.  We had to move, and they weren’t moving at the pace I needed them to.  Especially little Kerouac. But what could I do but just go with the moment.  Not surrender, necessarily.  But just go with it.  Promising self three solid hours of work— from grading to creative, to brainstorming, to anything I need.  What I need, nothing.  I have everything I need.  But the battle is singularity, centricity.

In my shared adjunct office at the moment, other teacher meets with a student, coughing and offering counsel in a strained tone.  I think about today, this week, the week before finals.  So many call it “dead week”.  Or that’s what I remember it being called when I was in school, from high school all the way to grad.  There should be nothing “dead” about this week. This should be the week of unusual liveliness, and crazed fervor and creativity— creative fervor.  On the yay, no nay.  The mornings may be rough, as will the days, week, but creativity will solve everything, from time governance to just getting everything done, projects minor and massive.

I’m still learning.  I’m still studying, finding where I truly need devote the majority of my Personhood.  Thought this morning, pulling into the all-too-distant C Lot by the soccer field or whatever that is, “Maybe singularity isn’t the answer, or the ONLY answer.” Sometimes we need be scattered and try everything, have several projects, then others force ourselves in the capsule.  There is no ONE answer.  There can’t be.  This, Life, doesn’t function that way and it doesn’t want us to function that way.  Yes I had a rough morning, but the work, this sitting in this shared adjunct cell, is the panacea, the ship to rescue me from monotony’s polluted shores.  What if I didn’t see them as polluted?  What if I turned the ship around and cleaned the shores, decorated and adorned them how I see ought?  I’m always talking about onus… this week, this week where we’re all supposed to be dead, we throw ourselves blindly to our stories, the onus itself.  This week, we make everything how we want it.  There will be no negotiating.  Of course, you have to bring yourself to this state, I’m only sharing that I’m here, and hope you all join me.

Everyone cites “life lessons”…. ‘This is a life lesson… that’s a life lesson’.  Maybe.  As I see it, life is the lesson.  Life is the college of colleges, the major of majors.  Each day you’re awarded a new degree.  Life…. once.  Don’t dwell on the after if you haven’t decided your story’s direction in this life.  One.  Singular onus.  Try everything.  Creativity, this week and all after.  The morning, the week, NOTHING, has to be rough.  Seeing it as rough is a decision, I again learned.

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