me now

28 Feb

New writing space as both adjunct coop and conference room were occupied.  No complaints.  Lovely, I thought.  I need some newness today.  Newness, always to be capitalized.  Never go against the moment, I remember I offered to students a while back.  This room, a quasi-dining room or break room, no lights which I love and a view of Elliott Avenue, all the students going in and out of this cafeteria building.  If someone walks in, I’ll take it in as part of the scene.  On break till I start my prep for next class but I don’t want to think about that.  My only focus now is this breath, the one after it, the in-between bites of the Chinese food from the caf’.  Wish I wouldn’t have ordered it but I did from hunger delusion.  Look outside to moving bushes, tree.  Think the rains near.  Would love to watch some drops, now.  I wait, though.  I meditate in this strange room.  What else does this room feel like?  Like a dentist office’s waiting room, kind of.  Or the doctors office’s waiting lounge area where we used to take Jack.  Or my high school, one of the Bio’ rooms, or labs.  Not sure what it makes me think of but it makes me recall all facets of my life.  I’m furthered into my collection and meditation.

Now I don’t know what I’m thinking.  Just that I’m thinking, about when I was a student at the community college.  Foothill.  The walk up those stairs, and I all the classes I took.  Years ago, but I’m there again.  This new start with this new perspective and approach, all my new projects and how I see things in this wild yay-say.  Done my lunch off you could call it that, now I throw self deeper into the collection.  With class in just over an hour and me in the room in about, well, 40 minutes, I intensify my meditation and collection.  What am I looking for… what do I want… how will I get it… thoughts of that speed and geography.  And I know just I’m headed for.  No need to continue but I have composition to that degree and key.

Look outside at traffic and see people leaving then pulling in.  Students pass but in less numbers than a bit ago.  Ruminating in this new room, this cafeteria tangent, this side quarter.  Can’t believe no one’s walked in to disrupt my sitting.  Sipping my Ginger Ale, looking up at a board meant to have messages and ads posted, but only one.  Something about some event on campus.  I don’t read for too long as I don’t have any interest in doing anything other than this, this freewrite, freetype.  Five minutes after when I should have stopped for class prep.

53 degrees outside my phone says.  Should just stay here, ditch since I’m a student again.  They’ll find me, I’m sure.  One of them.  Someone from the department or from class.  I guess I just throw self so far into this sitting and thought stream that I lose where I’m going.  But it’s free, oui?  No limitations.  Liberating.  Liberated.  With the breaths and moments, never against.

(2/28/18)

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