Tag Archives: Personal

from book…

20 Mar

I see more, more… what caused this?  Was it yesterday?  Was it this morning?  Was it years ago when I decided in my high school creative writing class that I wanted to be a teacher?  Maybe there is no cause to composition maintenance and shifts.  Self-doubt, your enemy.  Don’t let it grow or any perceptions throw.  Composition, your character…. Feel free to re-write, feel free to be free and re-define.

Wherever you see yourself, hold to that frame, the visuals and sensory seismology of it.  Make it musical and enriching like nothing else in your story is.  Make it your story…


17 Mar

View story at Medium.com


15 Mar

Keep moving.  Keep your movement not just constant, but ceaseless, unstoppable.


15 Mar

View story at Medium.com

me now

28 Feb

New writing space as both adjunct coop and conference room were occupied.  No complaints.  Lovely, I thought.  I need some newness today.  Newness, always to be capitalized.  Never go against the moment, I remember I offered to students a while back.  This room, a quasi-dining room or break room, no lights which I love and a view of Elliott Avenue, all the students going in and out of this cafeteria building.  If someone walks in, I’ll take it in as part of the scene.  On break till I start my prep for next class but I don’t want to think about that.  My only focus now is this breath, the one after it, the in-between bites of the Chinese food from the caf’.  Wish I wouldn’t have ordered it but I did from hunger delusion.  Look outside to moving bushes, tree.  Think the rains near.  Would love to watch some drops, now.  I wait, though.  I meditate in this strange room.  What else does this room feel like?  Like a dentist office’s waiting room, kind of.  Or the doctors office’s waiting lounge area where we used to take Jack.  Or my high school, one of the Bio’ rooms, or labs.  Not sure what it makes me think of but it makes me recall all facets of my life.  I’m furthered into my collection and meditation.

Now I don’t know what I’m thinking.  Just that I’m thinking, about when I was a student at the community college.  Foothill.  The walk up those stairs, and I all the classes I took.  Years ago, but I’m there again.  This new start with this new perspective and approach, all my new projects and how I see things in this wild yay-say.  Done my lunch off you could call it that, now I throw self deeper into the collection.  With class in just over an hour and me in the room in about, well, 40 minutes, I intensify my meditation and collection.  What am I looking for… what do I want… how will I get it… thoughts of that speed and geography.  And I know just I’m headed for.  No need to continue but I have composition to that degree and key.

Look outside at traffic and see people leaving then pulling in.  Students pass but in less numbers than a bit ago.  Ruminating in this new room, this cafeteria tangent, this side quarter.  Can’t believe no one’s walked in to disrupt my sitting.  Sipping my Ginger Ale, looking up at a board meant to have messages and ads posted, but only one.  Something about some event on campus.  I don’t read for too long as I don’t have any interest in doing anything other than this, this freewrite, freetype.  Five minutes after when I should have stopped for class prep.

53 degrees outside my phone says.  Should just stay here, ditch since I’m a student again.  They’ll find me, I’m sure.  One of them.  Someone from the department or from class.  I guess I just throw self so far into this sitting and thought stream that I lose where I’m going.  But it’s free, oui?  No limitations.  Liberating.  Liberated.  With the breaths and moments, never against.


inward jot

21 Feb

Keep moving forward.  And if you do step backwards a bit, or are forced backward somehow, see it as a forward.  Life is over before it’s adequately appreciated.  So, start appreciating.  Everything you do.  With all actuation there’s lesson, there’s education, there’s an expansion of self and vision.  Of everything.

Today’s been one of those days where I can’t stop writing, I can’t stop recording and trapping my thoughts and what I learn from what I see.  From the car accident on 101 this morning which nearly made my son and I late for his drop-off, to writing at home in peace for over two hours, to the English 5 class I just taught.  There’s no need to separate or categorize, with what I’ve today or ever written.  It’s all connected, it’s all part of the composition, part of the essay of your time here on Earth.

I learn from this, sitting here in the conference room, writing notes for the next class to musing in the idea of only moving forward.  That there is no defeat, there is no slow, there is no retraction if we don’t so wish.  Seeing everything as motion toward 12, as boon, a gem, a lesson, tireless and widely beneficial forward.


poz thoughts

12 Feb

…take yourself there.  Treat yourself.  I’m in a bit of logomachy with self, in the idea of bringing self “there”.  What if I’m already there?  What if I have to do less than I thought, in terms of mood, attitude, mode, inner-voice?  Disputing with self over self, and the self I am versus where I could go, goals and spending more time with my babies after a change in work life… building my business and writing down absolutely everything and studying my everything, my entire world and the transactions that take place.  And this isn’t just ME, it’s WE.  It’s all of us.  Advancing my composition of self, thinking critically, again to use another English teacher speak-slice, about your story.  Interesting that an English class can be utilized as an appreciative lens for everything around you.  You… your story, your day, your week.

What do you want?  How will you get it.  By moving.  Not stopping.  Not letting your moods slow you and not letting anyone else put a single word in your manuscript’s body.  What you want is attainable.  More attainable and proximal than you think, trust me.  And I’m only now realizing this.  Go get what you want, starting today.  What do you want?  Write that in your journal.  Don’t worry about how to get it… just go grab it.  This meditation has worked, already.  I’m ready for class, I’m ready for them, I’m ready for me and my ideas.  MY ideas have value, as they are wildly and wholly positive, yay-saying.  What am I teaching… writing, writing to you, writing not affirmation but realities, solid self vows, that you will get what you want and you will defeat time with time itself…